Secrets
by MorganHlaalu
Summary: COMPLETE Something is wrong with Artemis, but what is it? Call it a Mary Sue if you wish. An AU I guess (Because it involves both Nightcrawler and Jean Grey. And makes Nightcrawler Russian. But that was an accident). PG13 for a few swears. RR please.
1. Jean

"Secret I've kept locked away   
No one can ever see   
Wounds so deep they never show   
They never go away."   
-Linkin Park, "Easier to Run"   
  
Dr. Grey shuffled the cards again and held one up, facing her, carefully blocking off what it was. I concentrated hard on it.   
"Ace of...hearts?"   
Dr. Grey flipped the card around. Ace of hearts. This went on until we were through the deck. I didn't miss a single one. I smiled when we were done. Jean smiled back, but it faded quickly.   
"Kerri." I flinched at the use of my real name, reserved for serious, important moments. I reflected on the night when I had received my nickname.   
_"You know what would be a good name for you?"   
"What?"   
"Artemis. The Greek moon goddess."   
I looked down at myself. My skin was white as, well, the moon, and my hair, eyes, lips, nails, and even my blood were pure black. To complete the image I always wore black, mostly just because I liked the color and any other color looked stark and vulgar and flamboyant and all-around bad on me. I liked being compared to a goddess, especially that of the moon._   
So the name stuck.   
I had known something was strange about me from a very young age; my entire family had light blue eyes and very pale blonde hair, the old Russian trademark. My mother always got Looks from strangers for putting makeup on me and dying my hair (neither of which she did). When I was 13 I had tried to bleach out and curl my hair, sick of the stick-straight black. But when I was done, it was straight and black as ever. I tried two more times with no effect, so I gave up. But I was brought out of my memories by Dr. Grey's voice speaking to me again.   
"I'm sorry, what?"   
"I said, you're not up to par. Something is bothering you."   
"No it's not."   
"Yes it is. Artemis, you know your emotions directly affect your abilities. That's the nature of your mutation. As long as the Professor is trying to train you for Cerebro you have to keep yourself at peak, and that involves not hiding things that will affect you."   
I sent her a headache. A warning. "I don't want to talk about it." Even the small comment from Jean sent a flash of deadly claws across my mind. A memory. It wasn't until I saw Jean straighten in her chair that I realized she was reading me. I quickly sent up a block around the one thing she couldn't be allowed to see. It was irrational and petulant and self-destructive and I didn't know why I was doing it, but I did it. I sent her a worse headache. A very severe warning. Get out of my mind.   
_You hate Logan.   
No I don't.   
Your mind betrays you, Diana._   
I made the headache worse. She winced slightly, but endured. Dr. Grey was the only person who could ever get away with calling me by my middle name. And she was already pushing her luck, trying to get me to tell her what was up. Not in a million years.   
She was ferreting around at the block again, trying to find if I had left any gaps. I hadn't. She sent her desire to know what was wrong and help me through it. I was firm.   
_No.   
You have to tell me.   
I do not.   
I'll sneak into your dorm while you're sleeping tonight and find out what it is while you dream.   
You wouldn't dare. Not with me.   
You're right, I wouldn't. I couldn't in fact, I know you don't sleep at night. Don't act so surprised, as if you didn't know. You're not exactly discreet. But I will catch you off guard one of these days and then I'll know.   
Then I'll just have to stay on my guard, won't I?   
Why do you hate Logan?   
I told you, I do not hate him.   
You do. That or you're afraid of him. But you're not afraid of anything, are you? And yet you think of his claws with intense fear in your mind.   
I am not afraid of him! Him or Iceman or Nightcrawler or Pyro! I don't hate and am not afraid of any of them!_   
I got up from the table and left the room, but that didn't stop us from communicating.   
_So Iceman, Nightcrawler, and Pyro are involved, are they?_   
Oops. Stupid. Artemis Kerri Diana Katina, you. Are. An idiot.   
_Shit. I'm not talking to you anymore.   
Can this really be classified as talking?   
Fuck off._   
And I slammed the wall down completely. 


	2. Kacela

"One minute you're on top   
Next you're not   
Watch it drop   
Making your heart stop   
Just before you hit the floor."   
-Linkin Park, "Hit The Floor"   
  
_I was walking to the kitchen. I didn't really care what for. Ice cream, maybe? Yes, ice cream. I knew of a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough in the freezer that was calling my name. I amused myself for a minute imagining I could hear a small, muffled cry of Artemiis...Aartemiiiis... hee. I giggled, almost to the kitchen. I opened and shut the door as quietly as possible. The nature of my mutation was such that I was incredibly good at creeping quietly through a hall or a room or anything I pleased, so I didn't have to worry about anyone waking up. My baggy black t-shirt and baggy black silk pajama pants didn't even rustle. I looked up to see a dark shadow moving about the kitchen, making a bowl of cereal. I could faintly hear loud guitar riffs through a pair of headphones and vaguely wished I had thought to bring my CD player. I didn't bother the person now drumming the spoon on the countertop, not wanting to scare them (which could be fatal around here, as Rogue had proved when Logan woke up and skewered her), and just went to the freezer, opening it up and rooting around for the ice cream. After making sure it wasn't Rogue or Croc (the two people who could hurt you if you touched them), I tapped the person on the shoulder and mentally told them to move. They were standing in front of the silverware drawer and I needed a spoon. The person opened the drawer and fished out a spoon for me. I took it and sat at the table. The person took off their headphones and joined me.   
"Artemis."   
"Wolverine."   
"Do you not ever sleep?"   
"I sleep for about an hour at sunrise."   
Wolverine nodded. Anywhere else, implausible, but here, entirely possible._   
I woke up screaming. Even that harmless snippet of that night was terrifying. Kacela, my best friend and roommate, looked over, alarmed. She caught a glimpse of my eyes, swirls of blue and green and purple, of black and silver and gold and white. Something that happened when I was scared or sad or worried or angry or any strong negative emotion, really. Immediately she knew.   
"The dream?"   
"The dream."   
Of course, Kacela knew about what had happened. She could heal people and she had healed me that night. It would have been very hard to explain away the scratches, cuts, frostbites, burns, and bruises all over my body. I flashed back briefly.   
_Iceman was breathing on my neck. He paused for a moment.   
"Let's give the cold one a frostbite. You do like the cold, don't you?" He shoved me harder against the wall, making me cry out, the pressure crushing me, knocking the wind out of me and preventing me from getting it back. "Don't you?" he asked again, more forcefully this time. "Say it. Say yes, bitch."   
"Yes," I whimpered. Aradia, Kali, Juno, Tisiphone, Megara, Alecto, Maia, Morgan, my protectresses, please don't let them hurt me any more, I prayed, crying out to every single goddess I could possibly think of who might help me in this situation, praying for someone to come along and save me.   
But salvation was out of reach. Iceman was breathing on the spot again. He did so until the spot turned white. Pyro put a hand on my hip, and used his power to burn that till it was shiny and red. Saying similiar things to Iceman's diatribe, if that was what you'd call it. Wolverine and Nightcrawler were holding me against the wall, waiting for their turn with me. I had sent them all the worst headaches I could muster, and tried to persuade them to leave me alone, but I couldn't overpower all of them on my own. I sent out a cry of help to Jean and the professor, but to no avail. I cried out to everyone I could think of, but either no one heard or no one cared. _   
Kacela touched my shoulder, bringing me out of the horrible memory. I looked down at my hands. They were shaking, badly, and tears were pouring down my cheeks. Kacela sat in front of me on the bed and placed her warm hands over my cold ones.   
"You really need to tell someone other than me. Tell someone who can do something about it. Tell Jean, tell Ororo, tell the professor, just tell someone!"   
I looked at her.   
"I can't." 


	3. Wolverine

"Don't turn your back on me   
I won't be ignored"   
-Linkin Park, "Faint"   
  
I put on a tight black lace corset top and a flowing black broomstick skirt and went to breakfast, Kacela at my side. I felt around with my mind to make sure I gave Nightcrawler, Wolverine, Pyro, and Iceman a wide berth. However, the effort was wasted as avoiding Iceman inconspicuously proved impossible. I studiously focused on my cereal as Iceman approached with Rogue, the girl he had just recently been sharing a peice of toast with. And Dr. Grey said I wasn't up to par.   
"Hi guys!" Rogue chirped, far too cheerily for 7:30am.   
"What's going on?" Iceman asked casually. I could tell Kacela wanted to shoot him.   
"Hi Rogue," I answered.   
"Nothing," Kacela answered Iceman.   
"Artemis, something wrong?" Rogue asked, still far too cheery.   
"No. No, I just had a bad sleep."   
"I know the feeling! Well, see you two!"   
And they walked off. But not without Iceman winking at me and giving me a furtive little smirk.   
Now Kacela really wanted to shoot Iceman.   
"How dare he!? Just coming over here and talking to you like absolutely nothing ever happened!"   
"Well, that is how they conceal it."   
Kacela handed me a pair of sunglasses. "Put these on, your eyes are coloring." I took them and quickly put them on my face. Everyone always noticed when my eyes turned colors, and they all knew what it meant, and I didn't want Jean trying to guess what had happened. I groaned when I thought of my first class. Self-defense with Logan. Why couldn't it be Physics with the Professor? Much more boring, but not nearly as dangerous as Logan had proved an encounter with him could be. I remembered one day about a month ago.   
_"Artemis and Kacela!" We winced. "Stop fooling around and get to work!"   
I sighed. We were working! He had looked over at the exact moment I had jokingly pushed Kacela. I got back behind her and quickly got her in the headlock. She grabbed my arms and flipped me over her back, landing me in front of her.   
"Owwww! All right, now it's your turn to land on your back a dozen times."   
She got behind me, got me in a headlock, and I flipped her effortlessly. Logan saw and came over.   
"Kacela, step off for a minute, you're too small for Artemis. Artemis, flip me once, so I can see if you need work."   
Kacela moved away and sat on a bench while Logan got behind me and put me in a headlock. His was tighter than Kacela's, and he was choking me a little. I tugged a few times, but I had a lot of trouble getting him over me, and he rolled off my shoulder, going to the side. He got up easily and faced me.   
"Okay, there's about fifteen things you're doing wrong." He went on to point out every tiny detail of what I was doing wrong. Kacela came over halfway through, noticing my eyes were turning colors, and leaned her arm on my shoulder protectively. He kept saying that these were all normal mistakes and a lot of people made them, but I was PMSing and the criticism was pissing me off. He was almost done when, impulsively, I sent him a headache. A bad one. I made it a migraine. His face twisted up in pain for a moment, before he realized what I was doing, and his look turned to fury and he walked away. He would have the migraine for the rest of the day. Kacela looked at me in excited disbelief.   
"You didn't!"   
My eyes turned black again. I did.   
"Oh my god, I can't believe you!" she laughed. She shook her head and we continued flipping each other..._   
I hated that day. That day would change my life forever. 


	4. Pyro

"Sometimes I   
Need to remember just to breathe   
Sometimes I   
Need you to stay away from me"   
-Linkin Park, "Don't Stay"   
  
I saw Pyro in the hallway on the way to Storm's class. He was leaning against a doorway, playing with his lighter. I stopped dead as another flashback hit me...   
_Pyro was leaning against a doorway as I passed him. He was watching me and playing with his lighter. Flick open, light, pause, flick closed. Flick open, light, pause, flick closed. He grabbed my arm and pushed me up against a wall, pinning me to it. He breathed on my face and ran his hands over me, pushing up my loose black shirt, and trying to get my tight black pants unbuttoned and unzipped. It was night, no one was around, but that just made me more uncomfortable. I wanted to puke or faint or laugh or something. I realized he was whispering things like "I want you" and "don't you want me?" I decided on puke. Was he drunk or something? But, sadly, I smelt no alcohol on his breath. I managed to push him off me. To be really honest, I had to use my telekinesis a bit. Pyro was a fairly big guy, a lot bigger than me at 6' and 200 pounds (I was only 5'5 and 130). I got him off and got a safe distance away.   
"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"   
"Come on, Artemis, isn't it obvious? Kerri. Diana. I love you."   
I narrowed my eyes and raised a hand. "You just crossed two lines in one step and have three seconds to get out of my mind's reach. One."   
He didn't move.   
"Two."   
He looked unworried, belligerent, even. What the hell was he thinking? If he had ever seen me, he knew that if there was one thing I would do right now, it was hurt him. Badly.   
Well.   
Maybe not.   
Maybe just his pride. But still.   
"Three."   
He went flying back into a wall, sliding down it to the floor. I lifted him up, turned him upside down, and suspended him there.   
"One, you do not call me Kerri, and you do not call me Diana. Only the teachers and Kacela get away with Kerri, and only Dr. Grey gets away with Diana. Two, you do not tell me you love me just to get into my pants. Do that ever again and you die."   
I walked off, leaving him there. I could sense he got angrier and angrier with every one of my steps. But I didn't care. I would have put him down If I had known the effect that would have on me later. Maybe nothing would ever have happened if I had just put him down as I walked away..._   
"Artemis? Artemis? Kerri?" I was brought back to reality by Kacela calling my name. I was standing stock-still, staring at Pyro. I took in a deep breath, not having realized I was holding it. I glanced at her and looked back at the walking flamethrower.   
"Yeah, I'm okay." And I started walking again. Kacela handed me her sunglasses. I put them on, knowing for a fact that my eyes must be turning colors at the thoughts running through my head. If only I had put him down, maybe things would be different. Maybe... 


	5. Nightcrawler

"I don't know what's worth fighting for   
Or why I have to scream   
I don't know why I instigate   
And say what I don't mean   
I don't know how I got this way   
I know it's not all right"   
-Linkin Park, "Breaking the Habit" (I am not obsessed ^_^)   
  
I passed Nightcrawler in the hall. I pressed closer to Kacela, and she put a protective hand on my shoulder. Nightcrawler had proved he was the most dangerous of them all. Religious freaks often were.   
_"Hey, Nightcrawler."   
"Hello, Artemis Katina."   
"Um, would you mind if I practiced my Russian with you? My parents will be a bit miffed if I come home really out-of-practice."   
"Neit, ya nei vozrazhayo voobschei." No, not at all. "Naskoltviordiko xoroshiyi - vash Russkiyi?" How good is your Russian?   
"Ya znayo eto, takzhei kak ya znayo Angliyiskiyi yazik. Moyi rodiyteiliy biliy iy Russkiyi, iy peireidviygaliystviordi syoda neiskoltviordikiymiy meisyatsamiy preizhdei, cheim ya bil rozhdein. Ya virastiyl peireiklyocheiniyye postoyanno meizhdu Angliyiskiym yazikom iy Russkiym dlya moyix rodiyteileii." I know it as well as I know English. My parents were both Russian, and moved here a few months before I was born. I grew up switching constantly between English and Russian for my parents.   
"Ya mogu soobschiyttviordi. Eto ocheintviordi xorosho." I can tell. It's very good.   
"Vi vozrazhayetei, eisliy ya sprashiyvayo Vas koye-chto?" Do you mind if I ask you something?   
"Neit, Niyskoltviordiko." Not at all.   
"Vi - Katoliyk, da?" You're Catholic, yes?   
"Da." Yes.   
"Chto Vi viydiytei v katoliytsiyzmei? Eto iymeiyet tak mnogo shiyrokiyx miyleii otveirstiyi, v chto eto upravlyayet soboi. Ya podrazumeivayo, beiru teioriyyo razviytiyya. Eto bilo proveireino tak mnogo raz, deiistviyteiltviordino, eto sluchayetsya peireid namiy! No, o! Vot - katoliytsiyzm, zakoncheinnii zdeistviordi, govorya, chto vsei tei ucheiniye tam yavlyayotsya toltviordiko neipraviyltviordinimiy. Yazicheistvo, viykka, iymeiyet tak meintviordisheiye koliycheistvo otveirstiyi. Eto nei zaviysiyt ot nadeizhdi, chto neikotoroye neiviydiymoye neibo fayeriy obraschayet vniymaniyye na Vas v etom ocheintviordi momeint. Vi mozheitei vipolnyattviordi veischiy neiposreidstveinno, iyspoltviordizuya vashu sobstveinnuyo vlasttviordi. Ya dumayo, chto deiistviyteiltviordino proxladno, chto Vi veiriytei iy iymeiyetei veiru koye v chto. Ya toltviordiko dmayo, v chto Vi veiriytei, deiistviyteiltviordino poddeiltviordinii." Roughly, what do you see in Catholicism? And explaining why I thought Catholicism was wrong. And telling him how bogus I thought it was. And telling him why Paganism and Wicca, the polar opposites and archnemeses of Catholicism, were much better religions.   
A stupid move on my part, it would prove._   
For the third time that day, I put on my sunglasses. I refused to let my mind complete the flashback. Nightcrawler sent me a venomous look and went back to carving a crucifix into his arm. It was a complex thing, something he had been working on since the...incident. It gave me some extremely tiny measure of satisfaction that he considered what he had done to be such a big sin to be deserving of such a big heavenly symbol. He put another line into the crucifix, not even flinching. I flinched for him. Kacela tightened her hand on my shoulder. I glanced at her and moved quicker. I could feel those now-repulsive yellow eyes on my back as I walked away. I considered reading him, to see what he was thinking. But I didn't. He didn't need another reason to hate me. And there was a reason I didn't know what was going on in his mind.   
I didn't want to. 


	6. Iceman

"Sometimes I   
Feel like I trusted you too well   
Sometimes I   
Just feel like screaming at myself   
Sometimes I'm   
In disbelief I didn't know   
Somehow I   
Need to be alone"   
-Linkin Park, "Don't Stay"   
  
I looked up and froze. Iceman was staring at me again. He was projecting again, so I took full advantage of it. I knew he felt bad about it. Much worse than his best friend, Pyro. Based on my multiple skims (surface reads) of his mind, Pyro felt not the slightest iota of regret or sadness or guilt about what he had done. That train of thought led me to the irony that Pyro could control fire and Iceman could control ice. Well, opposites attract, I guess.   
I didn't really know why Iceman had done it. I mean, he had been my best male friend. The guy I could go to for an insight into the mind of some guy I was after or who was after me or who I was having any kind of issue with, because he knew without doubt how the mind of a guy worked, and it wouldn't be tainted by trying to impress me because we had no interest in each other in that way. I had liked that about our friendship. And nothing had noticeably changed.   
My guess was that it was Pyro's fault. He could be really charismatic when he wanted to, and he thought of himself as the worst, most dangerous mutant of all. Well, worst was debatable (I happened to think that self-healers, teleporters, and telepaths were worse), but he was pretty dangerous, especially when he had such easy access to fire with the lighter he carried like a safety blanket. I thought he might have threatened Iceman into it. But then I doubted Iceman would have been as enthusiastic, or would have still been acting like best friends with Pyro. But that could have been by a threat, too.   
Of course, I could always read one of them and find out. I knew that. But the Professor had always impressed upon me the importance of the privacy of one's own mind. And I would have to get close enough to where I could pick up anything other than what he was thinking about and feeling at that exact moment. That was within about a foot. I had a deep repulsion for each of these four men now, and the thought of getting within ten feet of one of them was enough to make me want to run away screaming. And I had no doubt that they probably didn't want me that close either. With the possible exception of Pyro. It was his fault. All of it.   
As far as I knew.   
Because, dammit, I didn't know. That was what there was no getting around. All I knew was what had happened. And my heart couldn't handle to think about what had happened. Not now. But just then, I heard the Professor's voice in my head.   
_Artemis, can I see you in my office, please? There's something we need to discuss.   
What is it, Professor?   
Please, Artemis, just come to my office as soon as possible. Oh, and Kacela, your physics report is late._   
We both blushed a fascinating shade of plum. I had been tapping her into the Professor's words. I looked at her, swallowed hard, and got up. I wasn't hungry anyways. 


	7. Professor

  
"I can't justify the way   
Everyone is looking at me   
Nothing to lose   
Nothing to gain   
Hollow and alone   
And the fault is my own   
And the fault is my own"   
-Linkin Park, "Somewhere I Belong"   
  
"You wanted to see me, Professor?"   
"Ah, Artemis, come in, please have a seat."   
I sat down in a large chair in front of the Professor's desk. He looked at me intensely for a few minutes before speaking.   
"I don't think it will work, but I'm going to try the easy way out of this first," he stated. "Something has happened to you. Now, for all I know, it could be anything. For all I know, you killed someone, and for all I know, you broke a nail right before a big date. Whatever it is, it's causing you a great deal of stress. The reason you're here is because I want to know what it is. It's affecting your abilities and your performance. Jean and several students have all come to me expressing concern for you. And frankly, I'm becoming concerned as well. I've been watching you in class and in the halls. You're skittish and easily frightened, you're constantly scanning to know who is around you and who you're going to be encountering in a few seconds. You shrink away from any touch but Kacela's. You two cling together like security blankets on steroids. Several of the students with heightened senses have heard you crying at night and in the morning when you sleep. I understand that you are best friends, but even the best of friends separate sometimes. Now, I think I've rambled long enough, so I'm just going to ask." He leaned forward in his wheelchair and looked me in the eye. "What has happened to cause you so much stress?"   
"I was..." I stopped. What in Kali's name was I doing!? I would tell him and then I would have to relive it all and I wouldn't have been able to handle it. I would have broken down or ran away and killed myself before I could finish. I closed my eyes, got up and left, despite the Professor's voice in my head.   
_Artemis, please come back here.   
No.   
Whatever you're worried about, it's probably not as bad as you're thinking. You said those two words and then exploded into a projection. I know what you were feeling.   
Whatever.   
Artemis, please.   
No.   
Your abilities will suffer.   
That's nice.   
Doesn't the idea of not being able to tell Kacela what you're thinking without anyone else overhearing bother you?   
Oh, please, Professor. You know as well as I do that I would basically have to go into a coma for my abilities to suffer that much. They've improved too much, gotten too powerful.   
Artemis, please, you don't have to go through whatever this is alone.   
If you want to know so much, why don't you scan me?   
You know I wouldn't pry into your mind like that. You obviously don't want me to know.   
It's obvious to me you think you do. Oh don't think so surprised, you trained me yourself, remember?   
I want to help you.   
Yeah, well, you and your help can go fuck yourselves up a tree.   
_Walls slammed down. Have to talk to Kacela. Now. 


	8. Epilogue

"I can make it through the rain  
  
I can stand up once again  
  
And I know that I'm strong enough to mend  
  
And every time I feel afraid  
  
I hold tighter to my faith  
  
And I live one more day and I make through the rain"  
  
-Mariah Carey, "Through the Rain"  
  
Only a week more passed before Artemis was able to admit to someone other than her best friend that she was raped. She was ganged up on and raped by four men who couldn't deal with their grudges. She allowed the Professor into her mind, where he gently probed for the truth and found it. He did not force her to relive it, but instead brought the memory out of her mind and into his and relived it for her. He normally would not do this, but this was a special scenario. The perpetrators were given a minimum sentence of 25 years in prison. It was a little strange for awhile, life in the Mansion without some of it's highest-profile members. But after awhile they moved on. Artemis at no point trusted a man completely or even, if she could avoid it, partially, for two years. Then Remy LeBeau appeared and became her new best friend. He dated Rogue for awhile, but their hearts weren't really in the relationship, so they broke it off. It took a whole two days for Remy and Artemis to get it together and sleep with each other. Two months later, they were engaged.  
  
If you or someone you know has been raped, call 911 as soon as possible. I know it's a painful thing to relive, and you don't have an easy out like Artemis did, but it's important to tell someone so that the rapist can be brought to justice. You don't want to be a rape victim. You want to be a survivor. 


End file.
